To the 40+ year old women (WTF)
Your scavenger hunt to a new self 🐛 → 🦋
As my eyes open in bed, I look at the time and it’s 3 am. I know what’s about to hit me. A bout of insomnia along with spiralling anxiety. Something of a regular occurrence now in my life.
For what? Only god knows.
I make it to 4 am and begin to cry. I’m overwhelmed with a sense of nothingness. A state I often find myself in since I turned 40. A simple feeling of not very much. Not very much joy, not very much passion, not very much motivation and not very much excitement.
Not every day is like this, but many are.
I no longer recognize myself (physically, mentally, emotionally). The old me seems to have left the building, and the new me has not yet arrived. So I’m sitting at the bus stop waiting for the next ride, the next chapter of my life to arrive and transport me to something (hopefully) more exciting. The bus never seems to come, so I sit in a void, waiting to become someone new. That void is long and lonely.
From a very young age, I was so excited to be 40. It felt, intuitively, like a very important time of my life. Like my soul knew, that at 40, that’s when life would really begin. Maybe it is in a way, but I can’t feel that yet, as these are turning out to be some of the hardest years of my life, personally.
Professionally I feel accomplished. The last 15 years of my life have been deeply dedicated to my business and I feel proud of the brand I have created, the experiences I have accumulated (including being a United Nations Consultant) and the book I have published “Say Yes to Your YES” amongst many other things. A part of my soul is so full from those experiences.
Personally, I’m feeling flatlined. Not because there is no reason (externally) to be joyful, but because internally the joy flame seems to be out as if firefighters have firehosed my joy to the ground. I hope they were hot at least. A little caliente 🔥 would be really nice right now!
I know deep down that this is not me. This is a symptom of living in a 40 year old body, but it’s hard to not feel broken by this emptyness and questioning about life.
What used to bring me joy no longer does. I need to dig deeper for new levels of joy.
What used to help me escape and relax (like alcohol) no longer does. Instead it leaves me feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck. Tea please…
What used to fuel my drive, feels completely irrelevant now, so my sources of motivation have run dry.
What used to be my dreams, have mostly been accomplished and no other big dream is yet tugging at my gut so I feel frozen in place and a little lifeless.
I feel like I need to go on a scavenger hunt to rediscover who I am, what my sources of joy are and what my next YESes are. And maybe that is what 40 is all about. I might write another book called “Say Yes to Your Yes at 40”. Stay tuned!
This article is for all the women out there who will one day turn 40 and potentially feel all of these things.
It’s also for the women who are in their 40s right now and need to lean into to make sense of these years. Lean in my friend, because I need to lean in too!
Finally, it’s for all the women who have already gone through their 40s and have wisdom to share. We need it. We need you. Please share your experience and wisdom with us if you feel inspired. We so need your wisdom!
Whatever group of women you are in, I want to hear from you. Please share your thoughts in the comments below and re-share this article to support another mid-life woman who might need this liferaft right now.
As I often say, our YESes evolve over time. Your past dream life might not feel like the current one you need. What you used to desire might no longer feel exciting. What used to be a full-body YES might not feel meh! Let your YESes evolve and guide you to the next level of aligned living, even if it feels scary and daunting.
Lots of love xo
Midlife Jenn in metamorphosis 🐛 → 🦋
Hey Jenn,
I can totally relate to everything you're saying. The 40s were tough, and the 50s were even harder. Now, I’m beyond those, but looking back, the 40s really felt like a blur in so many ways. I was going through a career change, my body was changing, my health was uncertain with the MS, and my social circle was changing too. I honestly felt like I had no friends. I even came close to divorcing my husband—he was a workaholic then. :)
The only constant during that time was my professional music community. And then... something unexpected happened.
In my early 40s, I started running. It was something I never thought I’d do—until a friend challenged me to join a running club. Believe me when I say that running was the last thing I ever imagined I’d enjoy. Even the thought of running in a timed race seemed completely out of reach. But when someone suggested it, for whatever reason, I said yes. And that's when my journey started. I trained for 5Ks, then half marathons, and in 2010, I was training for the Boston Marathon. In 2011, I finished Boston—on the clock. That experience taught me that I actually had the mindset and discipline of an athlete—the ability to set a huge goal, break it down into small steps, and push through to achieve it.
Those lessons have carried me through other tough times. Hard times can feel like you’re drifting without direction, but I still feel excited by new opportunities to mentor others and add value. I love engaging with creative communities, and I'm still fueled by the joy of learning.
I’m also still driven by big goals, some that feel almost impossible. But what running taught me is the importance of measuring progress in small, achievable steps.
I don't know if you're able to apply any of this, but I thought it might be worth sharing. I know that I CAN be motivated by the Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAGs) but I also know that I can't measure myself by them. Bit by bit....
And enjoy the journey!
Thank you for the vulnerability Jenn! I have been feeling much the same, though at age 50. I feel that a big YES is ahead of me, yet struggle to identify even the small next yes steps. That said I’m looking forward to discovering what’s next. 😁